My Sword Immortal Wife Has Gone Berserk - Chapter 34:

Chapter 34: The Emperor Is… Not Functional?

“See them out. Come collect the pills tonight,” Fang Yun waved impatiently. She had no fear of these eunuchs. Even though they were the Emperor’s close attendants, the Celestial Observatory was far too special. As a personal disciple of the Chief Astrologer, not even these eunuchs dared to overstep.

“We’re not leaving. Once Sister Fang finishes refining the Dragon Tiger Pills, we’ll head back,” the head eunuch replied in his shrill voice, making it clear they had no intention of leaving. They stood there coldly, staring at Fang Yun.

The scene piqued Lin Ce’s curiosity.

What exactly was this Dragon Tiger Pill?

“Let’s go,” Fang Yun gave up trying to argue. She pulled Lin Ce toward a large chamber.

This was her personal space. She preferred working alone and was highly skilled in alchemy. Among the top five ranked disciples, only she remained at the Celestial Observatory. The others were away, so all pill-making responsibilities fell to her.

Once inside, she quickly shut the door.

She reached out and activated a mechanism. A floor tile slid open, revealing a deep underground passage.

As they descended, torches along the walls lit up. Below was a vast underground chamber filled with dozens of iron cages, each holding energetic beasts.

Whether it was massive northern bears, venomous southern scorpions, rainbow spirit serpents from the sea, or even rare flying beasts—everything could be found here.

As Lin Ce walked through, he couldn’t help but marvel. He had never seen this part of the Celestial Observatory in his past life.

“Impressive, right?” Fang Yun said proudly.

She led Lin Ce to the central area where a massive furnace stood. Flames blazed within, seemingly eternal.

“What’s a Dragon Tiger Pill?” Lin Ce asked with interest. “If it’s for the Emperor, it must be a treasure. Could you give me two?”

Fang Yun was stunned.

Was Lin Ce serious? He actually dared to ask for Dragon Tiger Pills?

More importantly, the pills weren’t anything good—what did he want them for?

“You sure about that?” she asked, eyeing him up and down. Her gaze settled between his legs, and a mischievous grin appeared on her lips.

Lin Ce immediately understood.

“No way… the Emperor has… issues down there?” he asked, shocked.

No wonder those eunuchs were so hostile. If an outsider learned of this, it was a death sentence. No wonder the pill had to be refined only by the most loyal disciples of the Chief Astrologer.

This medicine was exclusively for the Emperor and had a very particular function. Ordinary people wouldn’t use it.

“I never said that. If you tell anyone, you deal with the consequences,” Fang Yun shrugged indifferently, then uncorked the gourd she had received.

A thick, bloody scent filled the air. The aura it emitted made the flames in the furnace burn even fiercer.

The Mountain Lord was a white tiger, the king of the northern forests.

Even in heavy snow and bitter cold, nothing could block its path.

This was because the Mountain Lord was the embodiment of pure yang energy. Even ghosts would flee in terror upon seeing it. That terrifying yang energy was enough to wipe out all evil.

“Miss Fang, come on. I wouldn’t go around spreading that. Hasn’t the Lin family suffered enough?” Lin Ce joked. Fang Yun believed him.

If such a secret got out, the Emperor wouldn’t even need to investigate too thoroughly. The culprit would be found. Lin Ce wasn’t dumb enough to court death.

“His Majesty is aging, and he was injured on the battlefield in his youth. In recent years, his need for Dragon Tiger Pills has grown.” She paused, then muttered, “I think Senior Brother just made him three pills a few days ago, and now they’re gone already.”

“Probably no cold palaces left in the harem—just warm beds everywhere.”

Fang Yun said this offhandedly, then burst into laughter. Lin Ce’s lips twitched. Was this really something he should be hearing? Still, for a man over fifty, that much vigor was impressive.

“Anyway, why do you want the Dragon Tiger Pill? Don’t tell me… you have a problem down there?” Fang Yun teased.

She wasn’t unfriendly—just rarely left the observatory. Her passion for alchemy kept her from socializing, but she wasn’t antisocial by nature.

“Wouldn’t be surprising. I heard you’ve been weak since childhood.”

“It’s fine. A few more ailments don’t make a man any less. No one’s going to blame you.”

Her words made Lin Ce uncomfortable.

“Of course not!” he gritted his teeth. “I’m just curious. That stuff in your gourd looks like blood. What does it do? Could I have some? My grandfather’s old. If it’s effective, I could let him try it.”

“This?” Fang Yun shook the gourd in her hand.

She casually explained, “This is the blood of the Mountain Lord white tiger from Mount Changbai.”

“The Mountain Lord was born with divine traits. As an adult, it was 7 meters tall, 11.5 meters long, and supposedly lived over 300 years. If not for Senior Brother personally intervening, no one at the Celestial Observatory could have subdued it.”

“We still keep it. Every so often, we draw some of its essence blood to refine Dragon Tiger Pills.”

A gleam flickered in Lin Ce’s eyes—he had guessed right.

Only the Celestial Observatory could obtain Mountain Lord’s Blood.

And it was the antidote for the Northern Ice Spider poison—the first layer of the Frost Marrow Curse. The cure was right in front of him. Today was the fifteenth of April—the curse was about to flare up.

“Could you give me some?” Lin Ce asked earnestly.

Seeing his sincerity, Fang Yun hesitated slightly.

“I can… but you must promise to keep it a secret,” she whispered.

Lin Ce patted his chest. “Of course. I’m tight-lipped by nature. I won’t tell a soul.”

“I’m not talking about that,” Fang Yun said, shaking her head. Her face turned slightly red, and she stomped her foot in irritation. “You’ll see later! Just don’t say anything, alright?”

Her reaction was puzzling.

She took out a small glass bottle and poured nearly half of the Mountain Lord’s Blood into it for Lin Ce.

The amount shocked him. Wasn’t she supposed to use it to make pills? Wouldn’t this ruin the batch?

Afterward, she poured the remaining blood into the furnace and began selecting herbs from nearby cabinets—each one rare and precious.

In the outside world, any one of these would fetch hundreds of taels. Here, they were just secondary ingredients.

The Dragon Tiger Pill’s recipe was designed by the Chief Astrologer himself. Fewer than five disciples in the Celestial Observatory knew how to make it. Fang Yun was one of them—but her method had a mischievous twist.

Just as the pill formed, she grabbed a handful of rhubarb and tossed it in.

The intense flames incinerated the herbs, and the powder fused into the pills.

“This is…” Lin Ce stared in shock. If he wasn’t mistaken, that was a laxative…

…